T:
I just saw the new Godzilla movie.
R:
I have not seen it yet.
T:
While it was a lot more loyal to the
original japanese movies, and the
monster fight scenes were absolutely
epic, I didn’t really connect to the
characters. In fact, most of what they
do has no influence on the story at all,
and the female characters are reduced
to the bare minimum. They could’ve
easily cut about 45 minutes of scenes
with humans without any effect on the
story. Cranston’s character is the only
one that was sort of interesting. I like
the ‘98 Godzilla a lot more. There, I
said it. When that came out 16 years
ago (!), I was eleven and it blew my
mind to shit.
R:
As a kid yes, but as an adult no. It has
the Episode 1 syndrome.
T:
It does not!
R:
It does too!
T:
Let us watch Roland Emmerich’s
Godzilla.
R:
For some reason also the name of our
hero.
T:
Yeah, they changed the name of the
main character to honor the designer.
He’s the guy who also did the robots
from I, Robot and the werewolves
from Underworld I think.
R:
Honor the designer? The writer just
needed a funny name, because people
saying your name wrong is fucking
funny.
T:
We’ll never be able to find out if that
was what it was, ‘cause they’ll never
admit to it not being an homage.
Though I must say that
tapadopapopoulos is a pretty funny
name.
Now, the opening credits of the new
Godzilla actually have a very similar
vibe, though they don’t fit that movie
all that well. They should have just
started the movie, like with the Dark
Knight. No title, no nothing.
Would’ve suited that movie better. But
I like it here.
T:
Boom. Leon is in this bitch.
R:
Yea, as a lovely french stereotype.
T:
I don’t think that counts as a stereotype,
but he is definitely French. The whole
thing where all the french characters are
called jean-something is a weird joke.
My main problem with the french thing
is that they were the ones who caused
this with all of their nuclear testing. In
reality up until 1998 the french have
caused exactly 210 nuclear explosions,
whilst the americans detonated 1032 of
those assholes (the first two of which
were in Japan). Emmerich is german, so
I don’t think he really minded who
created ‘Zilla. This was probably the
studio saying that some other country
had to be the cause.
R:
Saying stuff like: “where is my
croissant?” makes him a bit of a
stereotype.
T:
There’s a lot of silly cliche’s yes, but
the character itself is not a stereotype.
The-French-secret-agent-who-hates-
american-coffee-and-is-unaware-of-
donuts-but-loves-Elvis is not a
stereotype.
T:
Love how they go from huge-hint-at-
what’s-going-on to huge-hint-at-
what’s-going-on during this opening bit
where they introduce the main
characters. Finding these footprints is
kind of like them finding the planes in
Close Encounters.
R:
Sure, but having two whole sequences
of boats being destroyed was really
unnecessary.
T:
Yeah, he must really like fish. Godzilla,
not Emmerich. Or maybe Emmerich too.
Who knows.
R:
There are rumors…
R:
Was Jean Reno also holding a camera?
T:
Maybe they're watching Godzilla '98 on
VHS.
I like how both this and the new movie
reference the original name Gojira on
multiple occasions.
R:
And an American reporter saying it
wrong as ‘Godzilla’ is also a nice
reference.
T:
See! I told you this was like Close
Encounters! They both have boats on
land as part of their huge-hint-at-
what’s-going-on-montage. Love how
they did this shot by the way. I think the
boat is a miniature that is composited in?
Looks pretty epic. Say what you will
about Emmerich, but he knows how to
make stuff look huge.
R:
Yeah, this is a miniature. The 90’s was
a great period of still using old practical
effects and using the latest (but not
always realistic) CGI and digital
compositing.
Emmerich know how to make things
huge? No way! Godzilla looked no
where near as big as it should have
been. The first 10 minutes of
introducing Godzilla was great. The
camera was always on the same level
as the people, making Godzilla really
big. But after awhile they got lazy with
the animation. Godzilla was suddenly
moving way too fast for its size. and
instead of Godzilla being huge the
buildings looked really small.
T:
True, I meant it more in the sense that
the could’ve had a ship in the dock with
some scratches on it. But with
Emmerich, the entire ship is on a beach,
with tanks and jeeps beside it, hundreds
of extras, etc. Spielberg did this with
encounters, but a lot of big budget
movies are actually kinda small. The
special effects are big, but the sets are
small. Not with Emmerich. There’s
always people running around in the
background. In some ways the 90’s
were the best era for VFX. Sure, the
CG wasn’t that great yet, but combining
CG with miniatures and puppets really
diverts your attention from the VFX to
the story (assuming there is a story).
R:
Spielberg (really all filmmakers before
CGI) was doing things small because
he had to. The technology was simply
not advanced enough to do everything
a filmmaker wanted. I think having
these kind of restrictions makes for
really creative solutions to tell a story.
T:
This shit also kicked be in the face
when I first saw it. They might have
used some miniatures, but in a shot like
this I think they really just pulled that
entire ship under at full speed with the
stuntmen on it.
R:
I think they used miniatures for some
shots. Sometimes the water looks really
weird
T:
Hank Azaria is in this as well. The cast
is actually pretty great. Broderick, Reno,
that guy from Spinal Tap. Azaria’s life
action career never really took off. I
thought he was funny in this and in
Mystery Men where he was the fork
throwing Blue Raja. But both those
films sort of flopped I think. So now
he’s back doing 80% of all Simpsons
voices.
R:
I always had the impression that he was
being paid handsomely for The
Simpsons and having small roles in
films was just something he did for fun.
R:
Godzilla makes wood explode
T:
That poor guy super-died.
R:
Nice practical creature FX
T:
That shit is practical? Awesome. Also:
A lot of people super-die in this movie.
R:
Most of the close ups were made with a
puppet Godzilla. I think they could
have done more practical shots in the
style of the Rancor in return of the Jedi
or the aliens in Alien3.
T:
Alien3 has some of the worst
compositing possible by the way.
R:
Yeah, that was a problem, but the
movement of the aliens was great.
R:
Even Barney looks more like Godzilla
T:
True, he doesn’t really look like the
classic Godzilla, though from an
objective point of view I think this
makes a lot more sense than the fatzilla.
What is he, descended from hippo’s?
The only reason Godzilla was fat in the
first place is because they had to fit a
guy in that suit. I thought they did a
great redesign. But fans don’t want
redesigns. They want the exact same
thing. A guy once told me the
Transformers movies suck because the
transformers don’t look exactly like they
do in the cartoons. Of all the reasons he
could pick, THAT was why he thought
those movies sucked. There is no way
Bay could’ve made a bunch of colorful
boxes look real.
R:
The problem with this design is it looks
like a dinosaur and not a monster. I
don’t mind a redesign either but using
the Godzilla name was completely
unnecessary. Emmerich saw the
Jurassic Park movies and wanted to
make a dinosaur film for himself.
Knowing that he couldn't get away
with making another dinosaur movie he
used the godzilla name without looking
at the original movies. Its is really
disrespectful, and if you want to make a
remake you need to have respect for the
source.
T:
That’s true. If this was called
Cloverfield it might not have flopped.
R:
Lets fly low between skyscrapers in
Apache helicopters. Smart!
T:
But it looks awesome. I love how they
have New York be this rainy colourless
place.
R:
I bet they used rainy and foggy weather
to get the CGI more realistic. Around
this time it was really hard to get a
realistic CGI character/monster in bright
sunlight. Jurassic Park being the
exception.
T:
That might actually be true, because the
sunlight is exactly where Disney’s
Dinosaur (2 years after this) completely
failed. Whether it is just to get away
with effects or not, it does add a nice
atmosphere.
T:
Now these guys, the Mayor and his
right hand, are called Siskel and Ebert.
They even kind of look like them. I
never really got why.
R:
HA! You’re right! Does Ebert eating a
lot of candy also has something to do
with this?
T:
I feel this is overlooked. The main
female character in this is actually
pretty fleshed out. She’s not a damsel
in distress, she’s not some evil bitch.
She has her own motives and her own
arc. She makes bad decisions and good
ones. Almost reminds us of a real
person. Good on you, Hollywood!
R:
Strong female leads was a product of
the 90’s I believe. Now we have strong
psychical female leads who are also
really sexy looking (Transformers,
Sucker Punch, the Resident Evil films),
which I think is weird. nothing against
women being psychical and being sexy,
but it feels like Hollywood is missing
the point.
R:
Thank god! The Pepsi machine still
works.
T:
Product placement is at the heart of
hollywood. It’s why they get to make
the big movies.
R:
Bad VFX. Soldiers coming out of
nowhere.
T:
I have to admit: I didn’t notice it.
R:
This whole scene feels like a
Scooby-Doo chase.
T:
It does, doesn’t it? I never got how
something as huge as Godzilla could
hide, nor why they would fly at
eye-level with him/it, instead of above
him/it. It does make for some awesome
shots.
T:
The King Kong shot.
R:
It's too bad that Emmerich was being
inspired by american monster movies
and not the japanese ones.
At one point you could see one of the
monsters of Ray Harryhausen on a
television screen.
T:
“Well, he was eating, so he must be a
female who is pregnant.”
R:
Those are some massive mood swings...
R:
Great way to keep things secret.
T:
They should’ve written ‘Son of
Godzilla’ on the tape. I never want to
see that again.
T:
I’ll admit that this whole egg/babyzilla
thing ventures pretty far from the
original films. Also: Those eggs are
gross and seem a little big for what
comes out of it. I thought they were
supposed to be all curled up in there?
R:
That’s what radiation does to ya.
I always wondered, Godzilla was the
first of its kind right? But did he himself
mutated into something big or was this
mutation passed on over generations?
If so, there must be more godzilla’s out
there only smaller like Matryoshka dolls.
T:
Oh, yeah, it’s definitely the Matryoshka
thing. There we’re gonna* do a sequel
called Godzilla Reunion where all the
different sizes of Godzilla were reunited
and snapped together into MegaGodzilla.
*not gonna
R:
I would actually go see that.
T:
A sequel to the new Godzilla has
already been greenlit, so who knows
what will happen.
R:
By having Godzilla and young
Minizilla’s he got to have T-rex and
raptor action scenes. Emmerich had
know idea what to do with Godzilla.
He really just wanted to make a Jurassic
Park film.
T:
Can you blame him? I’ll answer that
one: No one can be blamed for wanting
to make a Jurassic Park film. Except for
maybe like Lars von Trier. I would
never want to see his Jurassic Park.
Who do you think would make a great
Jurassic Park movie?
No Spielberg’s allowed.
R:
Other director? Wes Anderson. Pretty
much the same movie, but with
characters having an existential crisis
and cartoony stop motion dinosaurs.
And really bright colors.
T:
I was gonna say Wes Anderson! Those
raincoats already look like they belong
in a Wes Anderson movie anyway.
That is actually the only director where
you’re certain that even a Jurassic Park
remake thing would be awesome.
We should disagree more.
R:
Whats this movie trying to tell me?
Be sympathetic to Godzilla or see it
(and its children) as a threat?
T:
It was a threat, but not by intent. It
was just an animal trying to protect
itself. This is actually some nice
commentary on the way we treat
nature. We should be careful because
our reckless intrusion on nature is
having a bigger and bigger influence.
Like when they just discovered that
something inside most pesticides is
actually killing all bees. That shit will
fuck up the entire ecosystem. Without
bees plants won’t reproduce. If plants
die out, no oxygen. Oversimplifying,
yes, but not untrue. The movie isn’t
super clever or anything, but then again,
neither is any other Godzilla movie ever
made. I prefer it over the new one,
where Godzilla is like Mother Nature’s
Neighborhood Watch or something, but
also there to protect mankind? If you’re
there to protect nature, the first fuckin’
thing you do is kill all humans. But no,
Godzilla was all like: “Sorry I let my
dogs loose around your kids, let me just
punch them to shit and I’ll be on my
way.” All that movie missed was
Godzilla giving Quicksilver and The
Scarlet Witch the thumbs up before
returning back to the ocean.
R:
The point the movie its trying to make
is fine, but I have no idea what the film
wants me to think at times. It's all over
the place. Especially the music. The
music contradicts the scenes a lot of
times. in one scene The movie wants
me to be sympathetic to Godzilla and
the next scene it wants me to be afraid
of it. It feels like a guy punching a dog
almost to death and then suddenly pet
him and saying everything will be all
right.
T:
Is not!
R:
Is too!
R: T:
R: T:
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